Sermon: Bo – A Community that Cares (Lynette Sunderland)

Written by Writings & Sermons by others — 16 January 2019

THIS SHABBAT MANY SYNAGOGUES ACROSS THE COUNTRY WILL BE TALKING ABOUT THE INCREASING CONCERN OF POOR MENTAL HEALTH THAT PEOPLE OF ALL AGES ARE EXPERIENCING.  SHABBAT BO HAS BEEN DESIGNATED BY JAMI – THE MENTAL HEALTH SERVICE FOR OUR COMMUNITY – AS MENTAL HEALTH SHABBAT BECAUSE WE READ ABOUT THE PLAGUE OF DARKNESS.

DARKNESS IS THE PLACE THAT MANY OF US GO TO WHEN WE EXPERIENCE A LEVEL OF POOR MENTAL HEALTH.  DEPENDING ON THAT LEVEL, THE SPECTRUM OF DARKNESS CAN BE ONE WHERE WE SEE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, AN INTERIM DIMMING OF LIGHT AROUND US OR AN INTENSITY OF DARKNESS THAT DOES NOT LIFT AND DOES NOT ENABLE US TO SEE CLEARLY MORE THAN A FEW INCHES IN FRONT OF US.

SUCH WAS THE PLAGUE OF DARKNESS EXPERIENCED BY THE EGYPTIANS AND JEWS ALIKE, THEY WERE NOT EVEN ABLE TO MOVE AN INCH IN ANY DIRECTION FOR THE GREAT FEAR THAT OVERWHELMED THEM.

ONE OF THE MORE HARSH MIDRASHIM (STORIES OF THE TORAH) THAT WE READ IS THAT GOD SENT THE PLAGUE OF DARKNESS IN PART TO DESTROY THOSE JEWS WHO TOOK NO INTEREST IN MOSES’ CALL TO LEAVE EGYPT.  IN NO OTHER PLAGUE, OTHER THAN DARKNESS, IS IT SAID THAT JEWS DIED.  THE INTENSITY OF THE DARKNESS WAS SENT BY GOD SO THAT NO EGYPTIAN WOULD NOTICE THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THESE JEWS AND THEIR ABSENCE FROM SOCIETY WHEN THE PLAGUE LIFTED.  TODAY HOW MANY OF US TRULY NOTICE THE DARKNESS THAT ENGULFS ANOTHER PERSON’S LIFE ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS? OR FAIL TO NOTICE THEIR ABSENCE WHEN THEY ARE NOT AROUND?

NHS ENGLAND STATISTICS STATE THAT ONE IN FOUR ADULTS AND ONE IN TEN CHILDREN EXPERIENCE MENTAL ILLNESS.

A HUGE STATISTIC THAT MEANS THAT IN THIS ROOM ALONE SEVERAL OF US MAY BE EXPERIENCING A LEVEL OF MENTAL ILL HEALTH RIGHT NOW.  THIS MAY BE ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, EATING DISORDERS, DEMENTIA – THERE ARE A NUMBER OF DIAGNOSES THAT COME UNDER THE GENERIC TITLE OF POOR MENTAL HEALTH.  IT MAY BE TEMPORARY OR A LIFE LONG CONDITION.

THE ROLE OF A CONGREGATION AND ONE THAT IS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO EMPLOY A PERSON DEDICATED TO FACILITATING THE CARE OF EACH OTHER, HAS PROVEN TO GREATLY ENHANCE THE HELP, SUPPORT AND HOPEFULLY RECOVERY THAT MANY OF US WITH POOR MENTAL HEALTH AND OTHER SUFFERING FACE.

AT ALYTH WE PRIDE OURSELVES ON WORKING AND DEVELOPING TOGETHER FROM A SHARED SET OF VALUES.  OUR WEBSITE DESCRIBES THIS BEAUTIFULLY WHEN IT SAYS, “WE BELIEVE THAT NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT IN THE LIFE OF A JEWISH COMMUNITY THAN THE RELATIONHIPS THAT WE BUILD AND THE WELCOME THAT WE CAN GIVE TO ONE ANOTHER”  AND “ALYTH IS BUILT ON A FOUNDATION OF MUTUAL CARE IN WHICH WE SHARE ONE ANOTHER’S JOYS AND SORROWS AND ACCOMPANY ONE ANOTHER THROUGH OUR LIFE JOURNEYS”.   OUR CORE CARE VALUES ARE ONES BASED ON THE JEWISH VALUES OF BIKKUR CHOLIM – VISITING THE SICK; NICHUM AVELIM – SUPPORTING THE BEREAVED AND GEMILUT CHASADIM – OVERALL ACTS OF LOVING KINDNESS.

AS HEAD OF COMMUNITY CARE AND LIFE CYCLE, A UNIQUELY TITLED POST IN BRITISH JEWRY, MY ROLE IS TO HELP YOU RECEIVE THE BEST COMMUNITY SUPPORT AND CARE THAT IS POSSIBLE.  OF COURSE WE ARE NOT A PRIMARY CARER SERVICE.  WE DON’T PERFORM MIRACLES EITHER.

HOWEVER, IN A FAST PACED WORLD WHERE “BEDSIDE MANNERS” ARE OFTEN LACKING AND MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS ARE OFTEN LIMITED IN THE TIME THEY CAN SPEND ON GIVING PERSONAL DUE CARE AND ATTENTION WE, AS A COMMUNITY,  HAVE THE ABILITY TO OFFER THE MEDICINE OF TLC IN BUCKET LOADS.

TO USE A MEDICAL COMPARISON,  I AM THE PERSON WHO WILL TRIAGE YOU THROUGH TO A RELATIONAL JOURNEY WITH YOUR COMMUNITY TO ENSURE THAT YOU ARE SUPPORTED IN THE WAY YOU FEEL IS NEEDED AND/OR WANTED.

WHETHER THIS BE AN OCCASIONAL OR MORE FREQUENT FRIENDLY AND LISTENING VOICE ON THE END OF A PHONE, WHETHER IT BE A VISIT, SOME SHOPPING, SOME HOME COOKED FOOD, ADVICE ON HOMES, CARERS OR END OF LIFE OPTIONS, OR AN IN DEPTH CONVERSATION ON THE SPIRITUALITY OF LIVING WITH ILLNESS AND DEATH AND DYING WITH ONE OF OUR RABBIS, MY TRAINING AND EXPERIENCE OVER A NUMBER OF YEARS ENABLES ME TO HELP YOU ACCESS THE APPROPRIATE RESOURCES BOTH WITHIN AND OUTSIDE THE IMMEDIATE COMMUNITY.

ON A REGULAR BASIS THE RABBINIC TEAM AND I WILL DISCUSS THE CARE NEEDED FOR MEMBERS AND THOSE AROUND THEM WHO WE KNOW NEED OUR SUPPORT.   VERY OFTEN THE PRIMARY PERSON OF CONCERN IS IN FACT WELL SUPPORTED BY MULTIPLE AGENCIES BUT IT IS THE FAMILY OR FRIENDS AROUND THEM THAT NEED THE EXTRA CARE AND TLC. WE ALL SHARE THE CONCERN AND CARE FOR ANY GIVEN INDIVIDUAL OR FAMILY BUT RELATIONALLY IT MAY MAKE BETTER SENSE, INITIALLY AT FIRST, TO PROVIDE SOME OTHER FORM OF SUPPORT THAN RABBINICAL.

IF THE SITUATION IS ONE OF ACUTE ILLNESS OR RELATES TO A PERSON’S NEED TO TALK OF SPIRITUAL MATTERS THEN ONE OF OUR RABBIS WILL, OF COURSE, BE INVOLVED.  HOWEVER, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT A MORE SUSTAINABLE FORM OF MUTUAL CARE IS WHAT IS CALLED FOR.

OUR DISCUSSIONS WILL INCLUDE HOW AS INDIVIDUALS AND A COMMUNITY WE CAN BEST SUPPORT A PERSON’S WELL BEING; FEEDBACK ON VISITS AND CALLS; AND HOW TO PROCEED WITH OFFERING SOMEONE CONTINUING SUPPORT EITHER THROUGH US OR YOU AS PART OF A CARING COMMUNITY.    IN THIS WAY WE ARE ALL COGNISCENT OF A PERSON’S WELL BEING – OR LACK OF IT – BUT FOCUSSED ON PROVIDING THE BEST SUPPORT FOR THEM AT ANY GIVEN TIME.

AND THAT’S WHERE YOU COME IN.  TOGETHER WE CAN AND DO HELP THOSE AROUND US.  ACTS OF LOVING KINDNESS COME IN MANY WAYS.   FROM OUR MINI BUS ENABLING ALL TO ACCESS OUR EVENTS TO ALL THE MANY OPPORTUNITIES THAT ARE POSSIBLE FOR BEING TOGETHER DURING THE WEEK AND OVER SHABBAT. ALL FACILITATED BY A CARING COMMUNITY OF VOLUNTEERS.  THESE EVENTS GO A LONG WAY TO BRINGING A SENSE OF WELL BEING TO MANY IN OUR COMMUNITY.  ONE OF OUR MEMBERS, LIVING ON THEIR OWN, RECENTLY REACHED OUT TO ME TO SAY THAT OVER A PERIOD OF TWO WEEKS WHILST RECUPERATING FROM AN OPERATION WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO HELP HER WITH PROVIDING HER ONE HOT MEAL A DAY.  WITHIN A FEW HOURS I WAS ABLE TO ARRANGE THROUGH A GROUP OF COMMUNITY VOLUNTEERS A TWO WEEK ROTA DELIVERY OF DAILY HOT MEALS DELIVERED TO HER DOOR.   ON ANOTHER OCCASION, ONE OF OUR MEMBERS WAS ILL IN BED AND HAD NO MEANS OF GOING AND GETTING A FOOD SHOP.  A CALL OUT TO SOMEBODY IN OUR COMMUNITY ENSURED THAT THEY RECEIVED A SUITABLE FOOD PARCEL AND A CHALLAH FOR SHABBAT!

AS SEEN DURING MY RECENT VISIT TO AMERICA, THERE ARE TWO NEW INITIATIVES THAT WILL HOPEFULLY BE IMPLEMENTED THIS YEAR.  ONE IS A FORMAL COMPUTERISED SYSTEM OF CARE MANAGEMENT BETWEEN THE RABBIS AND MYSELF.

THIS WILL HELP US TO IMPROVE AND DEVELOP OUR ABILITY TO CHECK IN WITH MEMBERS AND TO SEE AT A FIRST GLANCE THE CONVERSATIONS ANY ONE OF US IS HAVING WITH YOU;  AND TWO WE WILL BE SETTING UP A WHAT’S APP GROUP OF PEOPLE WILLING TO BE CALLED UPON TO OFFER SOME TIME TO OFFERING CARE TO ANOTHER MEMBER, WHETHER IT BE MAKING A CALL, VISIT, A MEAL OR DOING SOME SHOPPING FOR THEM.  IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE A PART OF THIS WHAT’S APP GROUP THEN PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

IN A COMMUNITY OF 3500 PEOPLE IT IS A NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TASK TO GET IT RIGHT EVERY TIME AND TELEPATHY IS NOT A SKILL THAT I, OR MY COLLEAGUES, HAVE YET MASTERED.  WE NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHEN YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS NOT WELL AND IN NEED OF OUR ATTENTION – HOWEVER GREAT OR SMALL.  THE RABBIS AND I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE IS NO MERIT IN THE WORDS, “I DIDN’T WANT TO BOTHER YOU”.  IF YOU DON’T WANT A FUSS, THEN WE WON’T MAKE ONE BUT ALLOW US, YOUR CARE PROFESSIONALS AND COMMUNITY, TO BE A SMALL PART OF THE RECOVERY PROCESS THAT ENABLES US TO WISH YOU WELL.  AT THE VERY LEAST,  EACH WEEK DURING OUR SERVICES WE TAKE OPPORTUNITIES TO HAVE IN OUR HEARTS THOSE IN NEED OF OUR EXTRA PRAYERS AT A DIFFICULT TIME.  WHEREVER APPROPRIATE BOTH THE RABBIS AND I WILL HAVE THOSE PEOPLE WE KNOW ABOUT IN OUR THOUGHTS AT THIS TIME.

AND THOSE WHO HAVE RECENTLY RECOVERED FROM ILLNESS ALWAYS HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY DURING SERVICES, SHOULD THEY WISH, TO RECITE BIRKAT HAGOMEL – THE BLESSING FOR RECOVERY FROM DANGER.

ILLNESS DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT WE ARE BED RIDDEN.  MANY OF US ARE WALKING AROUND WITH CONDITIONS THAT MAY NOT BE SEEN BUT FELT.  IN OUR STAFF MEETING AND IN, FOR EXAMPLE, OUR BEREAVEMENT CALL GROUP WE HAVE A RULE WHEN WE CHECK IN WITH EACH OTHER THAT WE DO NOT SAY, “ I AM FINE”.  ONE OF THE MORE ACCEPTABLE DEFINITIONS OF FINE IS “FEELINGS INSIDE NOT EXPRESSED”.  THE RABBIS AND I HOPE THAT OUR ROLES AND DESIRE TO BUILD THOSE RELATIONSHIPS WE PRIDE OURSELVES ON WANTING TO DEVELOP, WILL ENABLE YOU TO COME TO US AND EXPRESS THOSE “FEELINGS INSIDE”, ASSURED OF A SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL SPACE.   WE UNDERSTAND THAT SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN FEEL EMBARRASSED OR UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT SHARING.  HOWEVER, A BURDEN SHARED CAN BE A BURDEN HALVED AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO A HELPFUL, NON-JUDGEMENTAL LISTENING EAR IS SOMETIMES ALL IT NEEDS TO IMPROVE A PERSON’S SENSE OF WELL BEING.

MUCH OF WHAT I HAVE DESCRIBED HELPS IMPROVE OUR WELL BEING.  ACTS OF LOVING KINDNESS, BIG OR SMALL ARE HUGELY IMPORTANT TO A PERSON’S WELL BEING.  THE RECIPIENT OF OUR CARE AND CONCERN HOPEFULLY MAKES THEM FEEL THAT BIT LIGHTER AND THE PERSON GIVING ALSO FEELS THE VALUE OF THE LIGHT THEY HAVE OFFERED.  RABBI ACHAI BAR CHINA TELLS US IN THE TALMUD, “WHOEVER VISITS A SICK PERSON TAKES AWAY ONE-SIXTIETH OF THEIR SUFFERING”.

GIVING TO OTHERS IS ONE OF THE NHS’ 5 STEPS TO MENTAL.  WE LEARN THAT IN DOING SO, IT IS A TWO WAY STREET WHERE SUCH ACTS IMPROVE THE WELLBEING OF ALL CONCERNED.  THESE FIVE STEPS WERE ADOPTED BY REFORM JUDAISM AS BEING STEPS THAT ALL COMMUNITIES SHOULD CREATE OPPORTUNITIES FOR MEMBERS TO ASPIRE TO.  OUR PROGRAMMES AND EVENTS GO A LONG WAY TO ENABLING PEOPLE TO FOLLOW THESE FIVE STEPS AND ENHANCE A PART OF THEIR WELLBEING.

GOING FORWARD WE AS A DEDICATED CARING PROFESSIONAL TEAM WILL ALWAYS CONTINUE TO BE AWARE AND HAVE EACH OTHER’S WELL BEING IN OUR THOUGHTS.  PLEASE CONTINUE TO HELP US IN WHATEVER WAY POSSIBLE TO BRING LIGHT, HOWEVER BRIGHT, IN TO THE DARKNESS OF EACH OTHER’S LIVES.