Sermon: Vayigash, Revealing our True Selves
Written by Rabbi Hannah Kingston — 30 December 2021
Sermon: Vayigash, Revealing our True Selves
A recent study investigated the link between social media and depression. Throughout the course of a year the correlation between social media use and symptoms of depression was examined for over five thousand adults, with an average age of 56.
The results of the study found that symptoms of depression worsened among participants through the use of popular social media sites, with many adults reporting feeling sad whilst using and after using these forms of social media.
Over the past two years, when people have felt increasingly isolated, many have turned to social media as a way of feeling more connected. However, it often has adverse effects, leaving people feeling more alone as they compare their lives to the seemingly perfect portrayal of others online.
The reality is that people take to social media to portray a very small percentage of their lives, and in general it only depicts the extremes, the highs and the lows. The true realities of mundane living are not broadcast to the world, because who wants to read about the time we went to bed at 8pm, because our work day had been exhausting. Or the time we ate a very average meal because we didn’t feel able to cook something more intricate.
So, are our social media selves a lie? Do the selective elements we choose to disclose, not truly representative of the people that we are, count as an act of dishonesty? When we parade a certain self to the virtual world, are we covering up the truth?
Judaism has seemingly strong views on the act of lying. We need look no further than the 10 commandments, where we are told ‘you shall not bear false witness’ and slightly later in the holiness code which teaches us to ‘not deal falsely nor lie to another.’
But when we turn to our narrative, and especially the story of Joseph that we have been reading over the past few weeks, the boundaries between truth and lies appears to be blurred.
From the moment Joseph was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers, who told his father that he was dead, until the very end of the story, when Judah lies to his brother about Jacob’s death bed wishes, the narrative of Jacob’s twelve sons is shrouded in lies. From the example set by our biblical ancestors, we must ask, what constitutes as lying?
As Rosa and Dylan read for us earlier, this week we encountered Joseph in disguise. Unwilling to disclose his identity as his brothers grovelled at his feet, Joseph puts on a front, displays only part of himself. Our rabbinic commentators explain this as Joseph testing his brothers, waiting to see how they react. It is only once they prove that they have changed, that he reveals who he is.
Yet, when he is finally ready to reveal himself, he sends everyone out of the room. Joseph is still not ready for everyone to know his true self.
Just as we control the parts of us visible to the world through our use of social media, Joseph too attempts to control how he is seen by his brothers and by his employees. So, is his act of deception and his attempt to conceal his identity a lie? Or is he, like us, within his own right to decide who knows his intricate self?
Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel states:
the world endures on three things: justice, truth, and peace.
Our society would not survive if it was built on dishonesty, yet there are instances when twisting the truth, telling a white lie, will be for the good of those involved. So when is it ok to lie?
Talmud explains, one is permitted to lie for the sake of peace. This is used to explain Judah’s words next week, Judah was acting with the intent of restoring harmony between his brothers.
Yet that does not apply to Joseph this week. His act of deception does the opposite of restoring peace.
Interestingly, Talmud states three other exceptions whereby lying is permitted:
- It is permissible for a scholar to state he is unfamiliar with part of the Talmud, even if he is familiar
- It is permissible to lie in response to intimate questions regarding one’s marital life
- It is permissible to lie about hospitality received
What do each of these mean, and do they help us to better understand Joseph’s actions?
Rashi helps us by offering an explanation.
One can lie for the sake of humility, for modesty and to protect the host, so that they are not inundated with unwanted guests.
So, by Rashi’s logic, Joseph’s failure to tell the truth and disclose his true identity is an impermissible lie. For he does not act with humility, but rather lords his power over his brothers.
Further, we are told One is obligated to ensure that they do not benefit from others’ misconception about their status – if one is being honoured in public as a scholar who is proficient in two tractates, but only knows one, he is obligated to tell the truth.
Maimonides goes on to say that a person who praises virtues that they do not possess, or exaggerates the virtues that they do possess, it is as if they are lying. Rather, we are encouraged to omit facts about ourselves in order to make us seem more approachable and friendly to others.
By this logic, Joseph, was obligated to disclose his true identity from the beginning of his interaction with his brothers.
So too the social media lives we portray, the ones that only boast of the good bits and don’t reveal our true natures, are the equivalent of lying. For one does not broadcast their achievements out of humility, but rather out of a want for attention and praise.
Joseph is caught in a web of lies. Perhaps if he had broken the cycle, Judah would have felt less inclined to lie in next weeks parasha, and harmony would have been restored to our biblical ancestors sooner.
So too for us. Every day we put bravado into the world, we will be greeted back with it. The longer we portray a perfect life, the harder it will be to ask for help when we need it, and the more we will create a sense of isolation by playing on the insecurities of others.
As we face a time of uncertainty, we need the support of those around us. Yet, the only way we can be there for one another is if we are willing to expose our true selves, and not put on a front. We do not know the true reality each person is facing. But if we are prepared to be more open and honest, to display our insecurities, then perhaps we will encourage others to do the same, to ask for help and to get the support they need.
May we never feel the need to hide behind a perfect portrayal of our lives, but rather celebrate even the most mundane of moments, for they too are a gift.
May we embrace the flawed parts of us, knowing that we are made in God’s image, imperfect and in need of healing.
And may we always find the support we need in community, both physically and online.